survivor, one world? no world.

Oy vey.  Damn it's been awhile since I spent time with you Blogger. You've helped me through some dark times, and for that, danke. To ease myself back into the blogging scene (and by blogging scene, I mean online journal cause no one ever reads it), I'm going to start off slow and go though my fabulous thoughts about a season of survivor that I'm going to start re-watching **looks at invisible watch** now. This is all to get me prepared for the hunk of meat of beast mode fucking COW-BOIII tonight. oww oww.

for those who have forgotten, my dumb, yet sensitive hunka hunka beef cake dynamo

This will be the third season I've watched this week of this god damn show, but man it is addicting. First I watched Heros vs. Villains and then watched his majesty Philip tear down the house in Redemption Island numero uno bitches. 

Okay back to the one I just started... wait forgot what it was... ONE WORLD, right survivor 24

Can you see why I forgot, this group is SOO not memorable, except for the TWO black people (go CBS, hopefully they stay longer than our friends at ABC) and who could forget the short man. I'm not upset that he's short, but that bandanna man? Burn that shit in the fire. He's going fast. 

Colton <3 bae. omg I would love to replace Craig with him, jk craig, you are amazing.

Tarzan - he's a doctor right?

ew, troyzan 

I need to stop, these people are all terrribbbblee. I'm going to stop this post before future me kicks current me in the ass. <3

My postS from 2015, HOT MESS ALERT*********

Dear Poopy,

Starting Girls again and hysterically crying. People who haven't been "in love" think this shows stupid and gross. I tried watching this show 2 years ago and was one of those LOSERS. Now that I've clearly know everything about life (being 21 and all), I can Lena and her grossness. I'm going through life, just like Hannah, the main character, is. Actually, a combination of all four characters. Hannah has one night stands. She also has a gay ex boyfriend (I have 3, I think..). Shoshanna just cares so much. Almost too much. She over thinks everyone's actions until it makes herself sick, but at least she's honest. Marnie thinks it's everyone else's fault, but her own. She HAS to know that she usually is the one to blame, but she never takes responsibility. And finally Jessa, she's just a free spirit with a dark past.

This show just makes me think so much, which is annoying. I want to go back to giggling at Ron Swanson and his beautiful love for all things America. All four of these Girls portray every crazy, emotive, insane, lovable behavior. They find men that love them, but most importantly, they love themselves. They think they fucking rock because they do. They understand their quirks and embarrass them. They understand how special they are and don't need a guy telling them every day. Why? Because they know it themselves. I always try to find someone who will tell me/show me that they care. Then I get upset, mad, and angry that they seem like they don't care. I ask for too much because I don't believe I deserve love. I push away everyone.Everything good in my life, even my fucking dogs. Reading books by Lena Dunham and Mindy Kahling remind me to embarrass my imperfections, instead of tearing myself a new one every time I look in the mirror. Their weight actually turns into some fucking hilarious comic gold, so you go gurlfrands. Treat yo self and embrace yourself mofos.

Fuck Hannah and Adam just ran into each other. Way too may emotions right now for me to handle. I hope to god I never run into any of my exs (even though it's probably enviable at school).  NOW ADAM'S RUNNING SHIRTLESS TO HANNAH. omg omg omg omg. "I was always here". Fuck. Weird beautiful love. There is someone out there for everyone, even girls like myself who call things she loves poop and takes poop selfies 3 times a day.

Back to Girls:
One thing I learned so far while watching this show is that every day is a new day. Each girl's have their slumps, but come out so very much victorious. They find happiness and find meaning in the sadness. Hannah fucking had some killer material for her E-book and Jessa ate out the girl from Orange is the New Black. Whatever gets you over the hump I guess. It all gets better (but then gets so bad during the next season premier). Wait Adam is being so serious right now. He's telling Marnie that once that person comes, you will know. You won't be afraid they will leave you. They will make you feel secure. So much wisdom from such a perv. Anyone who love giving rim jobs cannot be trusted in my book, but what do I know?

The title of this blog post is from Fun's newish song "Sight of the Sun". An awakening of sorts (yes I am trying to be poetic). My favorite line from the song is: "Now I lay here waiting for you to wake up." I'll get there. One day at a time.

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Hey Poopy,

I'm going to steal a note from one of my favorite girly, horribly addicting, tear jerking, panty wetting shows. Each of Grey's Anatomy's episodes, all 17 million of them, are named after songs. IKR?!?!? I'm both funny AND informative.  If you wanna listen, here you go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLmIlVJYEtw God Bless You Jack White and your ghostly beauty.

What is love? **baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more**. After 21 years on this earth, I probably know less about love than my 7 year old cousin. "Love is when two people really like each other". If only it were that simple kid. Every year that I can remember, I wished on my birthday for a boyfriend who loves me. The even sadder part of that is, that for two of those birthdays, I had a boyfriend [I'll save that for a nothing post]. Love is something I know nothing about. No matter how many months I spend saying "I love you", I just don't understand. Looking at the definition of love, it uses the word passion. Passion is something that I feel like I'm lacking, except when I am in a relationship. I throw my interests, my hobbies, my dreams, away to devote my passion in someone else. WTF is wrong with me?! I'm going to use this blog to figure out who I am. What I like to do. Who I want to be. Not only that, but be confident with myself. DAMN STRAIGHT THIS IS ME. BOOM. Self discovery journey is starting today. No looking back mofos.

Do I like painting? Do I like writing? Do I like reading? Do I like baking? Do I like volunteering? Slowly but surely, I'm going to find my passion. Myself. Once I do, I will make myself happy and not rely on some weak ass poser to make me happy because he likes playing with my boobies and says i'm pretty. Can you feel the animosity towards a few select people? Perfect.

XOXO,
Frank the Tankie


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Dear Poopy (if you don't know me, I refer to everything good in my life as poop and in this case, it's any crazy person that will read my blog),


I have the first blog post sadness. Wow, this is already starting out super depressing. I promise, it will get more jovial. My life is like the roller coaster of emotions you get when you eat a doughnut (or 7)/getting drunk af/dancing like it's 2007. You get excited  and pumped. JEAH. I'M BEYONCE BITCHES. Then the most regret. Alllll of the regret. Then acceptance. Yanno, shit happens. Learn from your mistakes blah blah blah, but then it happens again, always.

So this is why I've got that first blog sadness (singing "summertime sadness" and pretending first blog sadness fits with the tune. FYI, it does not). It's not that I don't know what to write about or that I have nothing to write about, it's that I have too much to say.  What to write, what to write? Below are things that I will cover in my blogging future (in order of importance obviously). Here we go0o0o:

• Waffles/Donuts/CARBS
• Alcohol and coming of age/legal drinking/blacking out/throwing up
• Transformation into Career Barbie
• Hating Everything
• People in my life who care
• People in my life who don't care
• My pets
• My stuffed animal Pinkey (he's a boy FYI)
• School and work and life, the basics
• RELATIONSHIPS, ew. 
• and love. ew ew.
• My fam who r kewl i guess? idk
• My weird sexual attraction to serial killers (Probably should be moved to the top)
• Moving on and change 
• finding happiness and passion for life. (that should also be at the top, only behind wanting to get fucked by a serial killer.... )

Here we go now. Brainstorming, check. Got this blogging this down. Piece of cake. Cake. Blueberry Cake. Blueberry Cake Doughnut. Brb, getting myself a doughnut.

XOXO,

Frank the Tankie